:: Do not add up
Can we say "change" quietly? Or does a change in one aspect of
yourself mean a change in all aspects such that it would be possible to
not even notice that any change had occurred at all because your general
outlook had been altered so much that even your criteria for change had
It is a great distress to realize ourselves; to know what we need to not
betray in order to be authentic and also to know that that authentic
portion of ourselves might distress or shock those who we love.
What makes the perfect leaf?
My lover and I have long been contemplating.
Perhaps it is something which cannot be said
but only shown.
But we must try to say it
even if we are so locked in this ox-house
that we cannot see our way out o --
We must be like bulls in a china shop,
breaking every piece of finery
and seeing what we can make out of the shards
to describe all of these things
which feel utterly indescribable.
All artists are essentially stylists portraying their central crisis or
crux or duality in a number of forms. Perhaps, I disagree with the view
that all problems of the soul have a specific form that they need. Perhaps,
I'd like to say that they have numerous formulations and no exact form, or
that no form gets any closer than any other form. They are all just
Does it take strength to say that your two major qualities are that you
are a poet and a lover? None at all, if that is how you live your life.
There are things which we may be able to ask of our lovers; perhaps
slightly crazy things which would prevent us from being completely
insane to those same lovers.
My project: to never divide life but to view it as a whole, to view
everything as a portion of it, but unretrievable without that whole.
A whole new way of thinking: no product, yet more than a process.
My new idea:
People are whole, but divisible into parts...
I am writer, artist, student, lover, etc...
To truly love someone is to know
that each of these parts exists
and to make a relationship with each.
I interpret the part of your actions which I can see,
I never interpret fully
for I cannot be you;
but how well I interpret
is a function of
how much of your action I have seen
and how much I know about you.
Against rhyme I should speak;
I mean that I should note that there is expression which is not song,
I should note that there is irregular breath.
The long stories;
The punch line is clear,
but how I get there is not;
a constrained but infinite number of pathways.
I should say
that there are things
which cannot be expressed,
but we should try.
I am truly sorry
I am in this state
of not believing.
You are the connection
to the flowers
and their wilting.
Let us look inside and judge.
But what is judgment without
an outer standard?
I have an arrow in my mind, pointing. Somehow it needs a gesture to
complete it. Bracket the arrow in the mind with the gesture of pointing,
as one singular thought. But upon thinking about it again, the best I can
say is that in some cases (depending upon what I want out of it) I can
bracket the image in the mind and the gesture, on other occasions I must
say that they are separate, on still other occasions I must bracket these
with my entire day to complete the thought.
I give you an order: "Write a poem."
In some sense, I will have no idea what you've done, for I will not have
been watching you. In some sense, there is a black box in which a rule is
followed, especially if part of the instructions for following that rule
are that it must be done alone. This idea of a black box is silly because
it is, in principle, unavoidable.
You come back two hours later with a poem.
Do I know what you've done?
New methods for addition:
10+63=73 or 1063 or 6310 or JK or KJ or U...
Do you see? The first way is regular addition. In the second way the second
term is placed behind the first term. In the third way the first term is
placed behind the second term. In the fourth way a letter is assigned to
each number (a=1, b=2, c=3, etc., when it gets above 26 then the letters
repeat in their regular order) and then the second term is placed behind
the first term. In the fifth way letters are again assigned to numbers but
the first term is placed behind the second term. And in the sixth way a
letter is assigned to the regular sum of the two terms.
Against fashion; I should say that all fashion is fascism.
These scrap heaps of words, poor things being manhandled however I please.
The structure of these scrap heaps are fairly well agreed upon, but remember
that in any sort of scrap heap, some things rot and others grow mold, and
look! there is a small tree in all of this rubble. We must try to make room
for that small tree, even though many will tell us that it is our job to
keep the scrap heap clean and well-ordered.
Now, as if I am a container
who often forgets his contents,
though I always remember the form,
the essential shape,
of this container.
Perhaps I'm flashing as if between frames of a movie, between being an
object and an observer of that object. Perhaps the unity of these frames
is an ineluctable relation; perhaps I am nothing, nothing but the
exactness of that relation.
In itself nothing has relation, in itself something has an ineffable
conclusion which is not even spoken by itself. In itself something is
hidden, hidden even from itself, therefore we do the work of physics
by attempting to understand how its form interacts with other forms.
Rousseau writes in his Discourse on the Origins of Inequality, "The
body of a savage man being the only instrument he understands, he uses it
for various purposes, of which ours, for want of practice, are incapable:
for our industry deprives us of that force and agility, which necessity
obliges him to acquire." If we take Mark Johnson seriously in his
claim that semantics are generated from human's inescapable embodiment,
then what is said here makes us realize that we have lost many of our
first metaphors. We have lost the roots of our words and our metaphors
because we have become distanced, by industry and convenience, from our
own bodies. This all means that in the long run we will become distanced
from the meanings of our own words.
Two different kinds of language: The first is one of expression (i.e., the
expression of pain, of joy, of love). And as the first expressions were
expressions of existence, the language of expression can be seen to be
intimately related to existence. The second kind of language is descriptive
(i.e., describing a painting, a chair, a day, etc.). Descriptions bring out
some aspect of what is being described, they bring out the essence of the
thing described for a particular purpose. Expression is expression of
existence and description is description of essence, and as existence
precedes essence, so too must expression precede description. A thing must
exist before it may be described. In his Discourse on the Origins of
Inequality Rousseau wrote: "The first language of mankind, the most
universal and vivid, in a word the only language man needed, before he had
occasion to exert his eloquence to persuade assembled multitudes, was the
simple cry of nature." He wrote this to proclaim the primacy of an
expressive language over a descriptive language. Expression before
description also means nature before culture. Nature is the non-evaluated
expression and culture is the evaluation of that description.
"The real world-unattainable? At any rate, unattained. And
being unattained, also unknown." Nietzsche from Twilight of the Idols.
The real-world attained, yet also for that, it must seem to remain
unattained. Why so? We often comfort ourselves by postulating unattainable
unknowns (transcendent entities, the self, etc.). When really, in this
simple apparent world it was quite hard enough to catch the wonder of it
all. Just as it is hard to catch all of the spiritual and mythical that
occurs in a fast-paced novel or a TV show or a self.
If I continue throughout my life to be an intelligent person I will be
embarrassed of all I have written here. I will want to say that I never
had any of these thoughts. Perhaps I will even say, "How absurd it
is that anyone could have such stupid thoughts." This is part of
what it means to be a self.
Do not add up ::